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This post will be largely focused on uplifting and reassuring reminders that this feeling is normal, natural, and can even be beneficial in some ways. Before all that though, it is important to acknowledge that feeling lost is no fun. It can often be paired with depression and anxiety, and lead us down paths of harmful coping methods.
Nobody feels awesome all the time. If you are genuinely concerned for your well-being and/or personal safety, reach out to loved ones and mental health professionals. A single blog post can only do so much. We believe in you, and a single step in a positive direction can change the course of your life for the better. So just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I believe in you!
In this post, you’ll be invited to challenge how you look at things, and how you can approach this difficult topic with patience and curiosity.
Let’s also acknowledge the fact that this feeling is universal. Pretty much every person has felt lost in life, and nobody has their life together as much as you think they do. No matter what age, where they are, how they look, what kind of life they live, it is part of being alive. As humans, we are naturally inclined to ponder existential questions.
Because we fear death, yet know of its inevitability, it can take quite a toll on our psyches. This discomfort is unfortunately very natural, and scrambling to avoid the discomfort can end up having the opposite effect.
Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that your past does not decide your future, and your thoughts and feelings do not equate to reality. No matter how long you’ve felt lost, don’t forget: no feeling is final, reality is more than a transitory feeling.
There are three main paths you can go down when feeling lost. Of course, these aren’t the only options, and you can explore all of them if you’d like. This outline is just meant to simplify healing processes for you. Pick one or more that resonates with you the most.
Path 1- Acceptance [The Sage]
We will feel more peace when we learn how to be comfortable letting our thoughts and feelings flow without judgment, to be okay with temporary discomfort. By trying to run from our discomfort, we are giving it more power. This path focuses on shifting your mindset and questioning societal opinions. A sage is not born wise, wisdom comes through trial and reflection.
This feeling is temporary. It is simply nature. At all times things are moving, shifting, growing, learning, interacting, and evolving. Even now, your body is working hard to keep you breathing in this moment. Which, in and of itself is a marvel to be grateful for.
What if it is simply okay to feel how you feel? To be how you are, where you are? You aren’t doing this whole “life” thing wrong. It can be so easy to get caught up in what we think our life should look like or what we want it to be. But your expectations could be overly romanticized, preventing you from seeing the beauty in the life you are currently living. There is no way to do “life” wrong when you’re moving from a place of authenticity.
“You can wake up like this, be this, and tell yourself that this is an example of how a day can start on Earth.”
– Jenny Slate, Little Weirds
“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”
– Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 44 (James Legge)
“You are too concerned with what was and what will be. … Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”
– Oogway, Kung Fu Panda
It takes practice to learn the skill of taking a step back, and understanding that this is all just a part of life.
Discomfort is necessary, we must feel a range of emotions to appreciate the ones considered more desirable or “better”. These are all just feelings. You don’t need to assign them labels of good or bad. The human experience is a beautiful one, if you choose to think so.
One of the most effective ways to truly feel the power of acceptance is the practice of meditation. There are many ways to meditate, and we encourage you to experiment and be open to whatever makes you feel best. Keep in mind, when we say “best”, we don’t necessarily mean “happy”. The purpose of meditation can vary greatly, and a “successful” meditation is very subjective.
For example, you could meditate to relieve stress, better understand your subconscious, work through feelings, or just notice the sounds around you.
It’s like how people rave about the benefits from therapy, but also struggle to notice the progress when having regular breakdowns. Unfortunately, this is the point. Our feelings must run their course, you might be bottling them up without even realizing. Healing doesn’t always feel like frolicking off into the sunset.
In this talk by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, he compares our awareness to the sky. There may be storms, yet the stars above will still be there, and the sun will shine again. This talk is about meditation, and can be very helpful to anyone wanting to learn more about it.
He started meditation to get rid of his panic attacks. When he first began, he would feel panic approach and then say “no panic, go away, I’m MEDITATING!”. Spoilers: that didn’t really help. But everything changed when he started to welcome the feeling of panic, and observe it in his body. The panic came, he sat with it, and then it would pass.
In guided meditations, you may often hear the words of letting something “flow” through you. This is a key concept of acceptance and meditation. Let whatever thoughts, feelings, and sensations simply flow. Let them come, then let them go. This will take practice to get the hang of, so try to be patient with yourself.
This applies to life as well. The weather of your mind may be stormy at this moment, but there is great peace in knowing the sun will shine again. There will be times when you feel like you’ve finally got it all figured out, then life may throw another curve ball. The more you work through this process, the easier it is to pick yourself back up and get excited at the opportunity of learning something new about yourself because of it.
Path 2- Soul Searching and Forgiveness (The Trailblazer)
This path is about listening to what your inner self is trying to tell you, to explore yourself, and use this feeling to propel radical change or awakenings. This path differs from the sage, in that it’s more so listening turned to action, rather than listening turned to acceptance. This path pushes the idea that your life can and will get better overall, and you will be the one to make that happen. The trailblazer forges their own path, and trusts their instincts and wits along the way.
Much of the time, we do feel like radical change must happen in order to escape this feeling. If you feel like a healthy change in your life is needed, going this route can help you feel refreshed and enlightened.
At the very least, you will be able to reexamine your current life, and any internal things holding you back.
“When I Let Go of What I Am, I Become What I Might Be”
– Lao Tsu
The first step is to listen. You are trying to tell yourself something, and your heart will whisper until it must scream.
If you struggle greatly with mental health and tend to spiral easily, this path may be most beneficial when you feel more stable and positive. This exercise is meant to be approached from a place of compassion for oneself. If you have a hard time speaking kindly to yourself, imagine you are speaking to a loved one. This doesn’t have to be a specific person, but in general, if someone you love and care for said the things you are thinking, how would you respond?
Ask yourself questions. If you are needing some ideas, you can check out this other post that may help
Let questions come up naturally. This is for you and you alone, don’t be afraid to ask yourself something you feel in your heart should be addressed.
It is important to really explore during this process. Think through and challenge your immediate answers to these questions. Do you actually want that job? Why? Could it be you think it is something you should have, want, or enjoy? If nobody knew or cared about your career, what would you want to do?
Get comfortable with this process. Remember, the goal is change and self discovery. It must happen at some point in your life –most likely it will happen frequently. While it can be scary to face certain aspects of ourselves, you will be very glad you didn’t save it for later.
“Changing is our normal state. Even if we’re not changing on the outside we’re changing on the inside constantly. There’s some stuff about me that I’ve been ignoring for a long time. I’m afraid of that stuff. But it’s part of who I am. As long as I know the shape of my soul, I’ll be alright.”
– Jake the Dog, Adventure Time (s 10, ep 9)
Most of us like the idea of a life that has clear steps, achievements, and purpose – all wrapped up in a little bow for us. But life is messy and cannot be measured in a universal way.
This feeling of being “lost” could be the catalyst for a life better than you could have imagined.
Then, let yourself get inspired. Use your discoveries as a means to gain momentum for trying something new and unfamiliar!
Once you feel in your heart that you know what you want at this point in your life, build up your courage, and take that leap of faith. Whether that’s moving to a new place, applying to that job, or just committing to stay true to yourself and your dreams.
Path 3- Actions, Habits, and Baby Steps (The Blacksmith)
Sometimes, what feels best in times like this is the ability to see tangible progress. If you want to see change in your life, but don’t feel right doing something drastic, this is the perfect route for you! This path focuses on action like the Trailblazer path, but instead of a big change, this path is bite sized adjustments throughout your daily routine. A blacksmith must hammer the steel and put it through the fire over and over before a beautiful sword is in hand.
People tend to underestimate the power of habits, routines, and rituals. A good book for learning more about habits is Atomic Habits by James Clear. In this book he talks about the fundamentals of forming good habits and breaking bad ones. We do not have to constantly fight ourselves to be disciplined, we can work with and appeal to our subconscious in ways that contribute to our goals.
Another book on the topic of working with rather than fighting yourself would be Ali Abdaal’s “Feel Good Productivity”
Think of your life as a garden–you wouldn’t continuously dig up a seed to see if it has sprouted, you must have faith it will grow. By continuing to water and care for the seed, you will see the results you desire. And this process applies for anything you wish to improve, not just productivity and work, but your physical/mental health, your social life, your hobbies, anything that requires patience to see the fruits of your labors.
It can be easy to get overwhelmed when seeing a mountain in front of you, when you focus on the very peak. It seems so far, almost impossible to get there. This is when the best thing you can do is look at the ground in front of you and start walking. Taking one step after another.
Around habits specifically, there are plenty of tips and tricks online like tracking your progress, giving rewards, reducing friction, making it more appealing, etc. Listed below are some of my favorite resources that have shifted the way I view habits.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
― Lao Tzu
