Table of Contents
Intro
Do you ever feel like it would be impossible to get the type of mental stability and fortitude you have seen in others? Even if you did try to improve your mental health, where would you even start? How the heck could you “just stop” thinking a certain way? Plus, what’s the point in trying if you have people that you can lean on?
Of course, you absolutely should use your support system and reach out to people who can help you. We are human, and aren’t meant to always go it alone. However, practicing positive thoughts to be second nature is one of the most transformative things you can do for yourself.
The path to greater self-sufficiency is always a worthy cause.
At the end of the day, you cannot ever truly get what you need by relying on another person to provide it for you or to “fix” you. If you continue to rely on others for mental stability, there will come times (and probably already have been times) where those people won’t know how to respond, or are busy and cannot tend to you in the way you would like.
The good news is, building a more positive and stronger mind is completely possible. You’ve heard about journaling and meditating, but in this post, we will be going through some more specific examples to get in your reps for a healthier mind. You’re encouraged to try a few and see which one clicks best!
It is time to give yourself permission to believe the things you know you need to hear. You don’t need to hear it from another person to internalize it and feel comforted. It just takes some earnest effort and practice.
Voice One: The Best Friend
Sometimes, you either don’t have a “best friend”, or you aren’t really able to get the support that you need from them.
As cheesy as it sounds, you CAN be your own best friend. In fact, you can be a better friend to yourself than you’ve ever had before.
Perspective: Imagine you have a best friend that you love and care about deeply. This person matters so much to you, and you constantly wish they could see themselves through your eyes. Now, respond to your thoughts (you are encouraged to write down the responses) as if your cherished friends said those things. How would you respond to them? What would you want them to hear and know?
There are a few different techniques to practice this voice.
1: Open your notes app and write the opposite of every negative thought you have, as if a close friend were reassuring you and calming you down. Do this until you feel better (or at least out of the spiral). This is a very powerful exercise, especially when it is used as a go-to when you are down in the dumps. You can write as if someone else is reassuring you (ex: you are so loved), or as personal affirmations (ex: I am so loved), or switch between the two. Whatever feels right.
In Practice:
Notes app or document:
“You are not a burden
You are loved
You deserve to be happy
It will be okay
You are so strong”
(You can also switch to first-person perspective when you feel like it. Ex: I am wonderful, I will get through this, etc.)
2: Another method is to save your own number in your phone and text yourself. You can name this contact whatever you want (I named mine “Bestie”). Reach out to them when you need them. When you receive the text you sent, read it again through the lens of getting a text from your close friend who you love and cherish deeply, whoever that may be. Then, you just respond to it and repeat the cycle.
(It may feel silly and/or borderline psychotic, but this is a very powerful way to train those muscles of self-care and comfort. You must play make-believe until these positive mental habits stick. Plus- nobody else needs to know about it! Remember, this is for you.)
We often think such hurtful and mean things about ourselves, but we would never want our loved ones to think those things about themselves. You must really try to see yourself through the lens of someone who already cherishes you, thinks you’re absolutely wonderful, and loves you more than words can say.
Voice Two: The Parent
Whether or not you have a good relationship with your own parents, we all have an idea of what a “good parent” looks like. Maybe it’s the parent you wish you had, or the parent you’d want to be for your own child/ children. When you are “playing parent”, you want your child to be nurtured, healthy, taken care of, and know that they are loved.
This is the voice that reminds you that you need to drink water and sleep. The voice that helps you get out of bed to eat and take medicine when you are sick. It’s the voice that reminds you not to indulge in unhealthy things too much, like alcohol or junk food. The voice that reassures you that even if things suck right now, it will be ok, and you will be okay, and your life is not ruined.
Perspective: You are a parent with a wonderful child that you love so much. Sometimes, your child struggles to take proper care of themselves. But that’s ok, because you know that struggling is normal, and you are here to help! You are wise, and you know how to speak to your child in a way that helps them understand that what they need to do will be good for them, even if they don’t want to do it.
You know how to step in to deliver the gentle message that it is time to take a break from work, time to take a shower, or time to drink more water.
In Practice:
Talk to yourself as if you are talking to your kid. Aim to be empathetic, gentle, and encouraging. If you are able, talk out loud.
Example:
*You have had a hard and exhausting day, and it is now time to eat food, but the last thing you want to do right now is get up. You feel in your heart that you need to hear the parental voice right now, so you switch modes and listen.*
“I know, today has been rough, huh? I’m so sorry you are feeling so tired. We need to get up and eat some food, though, okay? You need to eat, or you’ll only end up feeling worse. You can make something simple; it’s okay to take it slow. I am proud of you for getting through the day so far. I love you, and I’m here for you. How about we count down from 5, and then get up.”
Voice Three: The Therapist
This is a bit similar to the best friend; however, the approach is a bit different. The point of therapy is to express the things you need to talk about and get insight to help you work through those things. Now obviously, you cannot fake a psychology degree, but you can approach your thoughts and feelings in a way your “ideal therapist” would.
The point of this is to open up a dialogue that is understanding, nonjudgmental, and curious. Do not be afraid of your past and your thoughts. Explore them, get them off your chest, and think deeply about them in a way that is constructive.
Perspective: As a therapist, your primary goal is to help your client discover more bout themselves and develop healthy thoughts and coping mechanisms. You know that a lot of growth and discovery happens during your sessions, but it isn’t always the most fun experience for your patient. But you know that is the point. The point is to dive deep, ask questions, and allow feelings to come up that may have been avoided for some time.
In Practice:
Now is the time to get some time alone, in a place you feel safe to be vulnerable. Ideally, you are in an environment that is quiet and peaceful. Now, you are going to be bored. You can sit, lie down, or pace around the room. You can close your eyes or look around. Whatever makes you feel relaxed.
Accept and welcome thoughts that arise, and begin a dialogue with them. Try to think of it like diving deeper and deeper into your inner self.
If you’re struggling to come up with questions that help you to learn more about yourself, take a look at this other blog post:
21 Questions To Help You Discover Your Dream Lifestyle
Try to remember that this is a constructive practice, and a therapist would aim to let you express yourself, without feeding into a negative spiral. Trust yourself to ask the right questions, listen to your curiosity, and continue to keep the goal of discovery and growth.
You can spend as much or as little time with this as you’d like. It can be hard at first, but learning to be accepting and curious about your thoughts is a very good way to grow and learn more about who you are and what you really want.
Feel free to change any of these voices to best suit you! Perhaps the therapist voice is more of a philosophic teacher that grants you wise perspectives: or maybe your best friend voice is your pet if it could talk. Your imagination is your friend here. This is a journey of self-discovery and self-love, so don’t shy away from getting creative!
Conclusion
It is possible to improve your mindset. It is possible to heal. It is important to note that healing and growth do not often appear linear. Through this practice of nurturing these healthy and loving voices, you will still have bad days, and that is okay. The toxic or mean voices likely won’t vanish on command; you likely would have done that by now if you could. But like anything, practicing these good habits makes for a much better life.
You need to trust that, because you are trying, progress is being made. You must continue to believe in yourself and trust in the process and journey. Even if it may not feel or look like anything is improving, there is never any harm in continuing to take it day by day.
Continue to feed yourself hope, comfort yourself, and believe in yourself the way you believe in loved ones and in the way you need. You can provide for yourself. You will likely have days where those voices get to you: “See? You can’t change, this is just how you are”. Voices that emphasize your insecurities and make you feel tired and hopeless. Even if you feel like giving up, or even if you have to give up that day or week, always remember in the back of your mind that this will pass, and the future may hold beautiful things. You are allowed to decide that things will get better.
Keep going, you beautiful soul. Your journey is yours, and it’s important that you remind yourself as often as you can that you are right where you need to be, and the future will be bright and beautiful. Everything will work out, even through highs and lows that you face. I am proud of you.
If nothing else, take a moment to pat yourself on the back for just reading this self-help post. Doing so took time and energy, and that time and energy is not wasted. It never is when you are investing in yourself. As always, thank you for reading! I hope you have a lovely rest of your day and week <3
